sup ladies

Yesterday may have been a prime example of one of the best days of the summer.

Woke up early and went to see the A-TEAM with my best friend! I really enjoy having a close friends who talks about movies the way I like to talk about movies. Its nice to talk about a movie without the bullshit and pretension! Then a delicious lunch! A few fun stops, and then back home for lazy time and checking out NEW NINTENDO GAMES!

After that I hung out with Tina and Joe, and for a while it was boring but then they told me they were planning on going out on a paddle boat! Something I have never done! So we walked all the way there (it was such a nice walk, I like the idea of being able to walk everywhere in edinboro so much), and the boat ride was long and lazy and I got to chat it up with Joe since I have not been able to for a while. I found out every girl in town has a crush on him, and he does drugs, so I guess my interest in other guys is back to where it started ahahaha. Though I suppose if he does show interest (unlikely, he is very into Tina, but he does think I am cute) I suppose I would be enthused. Its okay, I am feeling really good about life. I am too picky and most things about most people annoy me! After that we went to perkins and me and tina shared fries with a strawberry milkshake! TOO CUTE. We are the best girlfriends.

I got xbox live finally! I played online with Dave today and it was really fun, even though I am really bad at it I really enjoy being able to play games with my friends. I am playing Alan Wake right now, Left 4 Dead, and waiting for GHOSTBUSTERS and the Orange Box. I CANT WAIT. This is my living my 16 year old dream. Fantastic, finally getting to play the games I want.

love not being able to sleep because i didnt fall asleep first.

i keep thinking about the way people act, and the way ones actions are perceived.

all i can say is I am glad i can admit I am an immature child, I am glad i feel comfortable (maybe too comfortable) with my sexuality, and that I am not concerned with my facebook persona. I am not 100% sure of myself just yet, but that is not going to stop me from telling certain people about peeing my pants or my fascination with disturbing subject matter. why the fuck do people waste so much time suppressing aspects of themselves for others to like them. why do people spend MONEY on other people so they like them. what is the point in having to work for friendships. if you have to work to keep your friends or significant others happy (since they demand a certain amount of attention/stuff, or dont talk to you without you talking to them first), what is the fucking point!!


Hahaha, I am getting increasingly more sure of myself, increasingly happy with whatever I am, and more interested in maintaining silly housewife-like tendencies than going to the bar, or anything like that. I am feeling good. I cant wait for grad school. I cant wait for intelligent MEN! So I am focused on that, my friends are easy, I dont have to work for them, they just are, and its fantastic.

I dont know why i am wasting my time anymore.

I do not like people who drink excessively, who smoke, who enjoy/use the term "partying", who are stupid, who are ignorant to good movies, who look down on me, who have no motivation in life, who complain but then do not change their situation, who do not know how to build friendships but instead expect them, who do not appreciate what the have, who always want more more more more more, who do not see themselves for who they really are...

I in turn fall into a few of those categories, but I feel like I have made some silent changes to my life to slowly continue to develop positively. I may be wrong, since I am most likely the most immature person I know.

I just dont like this feeling I keep getting, with a few friends I am embarrassed to be seen with them, others, I really honestly enjoy their personalities and insights, but do not really approve of their lifestyle, and finally there are the ones who I cant even categorize.

Its funny, because after making this list, I fully understand why i love my roommates (and elliot) so much. I miss them. I also realize I really missed out on building great friendships with some very important and special people.

Merrrrr finals week is almost over, I have one more test at 12:30 and then i am done! Then today is spent moving things to my new house after work, until 8:15 when me and leslie and kyle and dan are going on a double date to Iron Man 2! :D

Yay!

My finals so far have been okay, EXCEPT math, which I fucked up, and I am pretty upset about it... oh well.

Also I may have made a bad decision...........................but its my own fault and I will have to deal with the repercussions. Even if they end up being worse than before.

I am lonely! Ahahaha.

I feel good about my decision (right now that is). Talking to Matt helped, it was weird because where as he still refuses to be my friend, at least I completely understand where he is coming from, since I am doing the exact same thing with the person i am interested in ahaha. No one wants to be stuck in the friend zone with someone they have feelings for. Its very difficult to change those feelings once they are established. I am very very sad that I have lost probably my best friend ever, but I will always think back to the memories we shared and be happy. I only regret that he probably hates me, and is even twittering me so he can avoid me in public. That makes me sad. I hope that girl doesnt hurt him. I still hope someday he realizes I am worth more than being friends with, but that is a fantasy, and I dont expect it to happen ever. Soon it will be summer, soon I will be able to tend a house and make bread and go to work. I will be happy being alone. :)

WAIT, HAVE PEOPLE NOT PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER????
AHAHAHAHAHA.

alright fine. i was being silly for keeping things public. you win.

i was not trying to be anonymous.

"I mean, mail based attacks? That sounds quite interesting.

I think you should have squid powers. You're in print, squids shoot ink, it fits! You could even have metal tentacles like Doc Ock, only you would have six of them, cuz squids have ten limbs.

They could have different attachments, like a roller, a carving too, one of those ink knife thingys, maybe even a spoon!

Then you could have an ink gun that shoots ink so you can escape from predators or fight criminals or something. You could call yourself the Sensational Cephalopod or the Crusading Cuttlefish. Or maybe Squidwoman.

Or you could have mail-based powers if you want, either way is fine."


weep weep weeeeeep
this is beyond awesome

my whole body feels weird! i am obviously stuffing emotions (lolfirst time this week eh). AM I WRONG? AM I RIGHT? What the fuck do i want?! Fun? Respect? WHO GIVES A FUCK-- I SURE DONT KNOW.

So right now I am trying to do math homework -- but it feels like my guts are vibrating. And rolling around, and rearranging. Like I might have gas -- but its in my head! Fart head :( I am also cold and sweaty. I had a stupid good day -- maybe forced a little bit, but I enjoyed myself (cant speak for other person, they seemed weird?). Was very good at keeping composed (even if when i was trying to stay that way i came off as a grumplon).

I think its because today i only had to think about the variable once, and I guess i hadnt really thought about it until right now, and now I am beginning to feel right again. Of course friday night wouldn't be spent alone really. BLAHBLAH BLAH SEESAW i am one. 3 weeks is a VERY LONG TIME. And after that? Then what? What do I do then (probably will have been forgotten :( ). GRRRR. I wish I could go into a coma for a bit (a nice coma i promise nothing scary).